I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
