he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
