By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
