we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
