Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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