i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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