We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
