quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
