NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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