I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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