Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
