I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
