Are we in a gay sports bar?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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