What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
bring money and cleavage
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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