The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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