so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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