the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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