Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
