I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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