i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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