What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
this boner is exhausting
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
