Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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