Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
