this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
