she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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