That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
