Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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