no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
