so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
