It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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