is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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