my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
