Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
