mondays should just be called national damage control day
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
