The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
