Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
