I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have demons in me.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
