You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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