I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
