May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
