Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
