theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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