When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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