Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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