Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
