So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
