so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
