he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
