I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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