Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
