My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
