Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
